Sooooo - I have unsuccessfully been trying to maintain this blog for the last 2 or 3 years. BUT I was re-inspired earlier today, so I'm going to give it a go once again...
As I sat today thinking about how to revived this blog, I decided that I would look at this process like a corporation. What I mean is that I've decided that today - June 30th - would be the end of D-Booth's fiscal year 2011 and tomorrow will begin fiscal year 2012... a fresh start, if you will. In FY12, one of the things I want to focus on is truth... maybe that's why I could never get this blog going - because it wasn't completely about being "Inside D-Booth."
More specifically, in FY12 I want to focus on living MY truth. By "Living My Truth," I'm talking about being the best me that I can be; celebrating and embracing everything that is me and being honest with myself and the world about what that is. Per this awesome definition, a person's truth can be anything - they're gay, they're straight, they're black, they're white... whatever defines that person at that period of time.
I'm finally coming to grips with what my truth is at this point in my life and I've decided to document it. If I can keep this up, I think it'll be a healthy-like outlet for me. If I can keep it up AND make it good, maybe some publisher will read it and I'll FINALLY be the author that I think/know that I can be... with that in mind, please note that all of my written material is trademark[ed] and/or copyright[ed] by ME and me alone! lol... but I digress...
My truth, while like me is seemingly complex, can easily be narrowed down into one short sentence with three parts. It's the consideration of this truth that opens the door to a plethora of "what if's"... that's the stuff that I need to work through, as well as my truth itself as that's the part that's slowly but surely breaking me down.
All cards on the table - I have actively been trying to hide/deny my truth from every one but those in my closest of close circle of friends for the longest of times... but why?! Really, what defines me at this moment is not something that's new - I'm certainly not the first person to go through this. I think it's my innate fear of failure. If I "go public" and am not successful will people see me as a failure? Will they look at me with pity in their eyes and in their smiles? That's the crap that I can't deal with. Regardless of what happens, please don't EVER look at me like that, ok? If I've learned nothing else in this life, it's that God knows exactly what He's doing and He makes no mistakes... I believe that with all my heart.
So what's my truth? Simply put, my truth is: I'm 37, I'm married to a man that I completely adore 98% of the time AND we have been unsuccessfully trying to conceive for the last 7 months.
Not exactly a life-shattering revelation, right?! Right. But the truth of my truth is that the "unsuccessful" part of that statement is eating me up inside, so it's time to discuss... join me won't you?
