Taylor Swift, Kanye West & the VMAs

Dear Confused (but hopeful) in Dallas,

First and foremost, let me thank you for being the first person crazy enough to let me comment on their inner thoughts via this blog. When I make my 1st billion and am preparing to give my entire studio audience a free trip to Australia, rest assured that you will at least be thought fondly of!

Now, moving on to your fantastic question:
"WTF is up with Taylor and Kayne at the VMAs? What is the meaning of their performances? Is she saying, "I'm still an innocent; you can't take that away from me?" Because if so and she's over it, why did she spend a year writing a song about it? And his song, is he saying that he is the douchbag and that's just the way it is? Or that he's an asshat and he's sorry about that (being an asshat)? Or, is he saying that all you people giving me grief over this inconsequential thing are douchbags? Are they now in some sort of East-coast/West-coast type of rivalry where every thing they release now will be about last year's "situation" at the VMAs?"

Simply stated, the answer to all of your questions is YES.
Yes, Taylor Swift wants us to believe she's innocent.
Yes, Kanye West is a douchebag and an a-hole (did he really say "asshat"??).
Yes, Kanye West also believes that society at large consists of douchebags.
And the biggest yes of all - Taylor and Kanye are indeed the new Biggie and Tupac. (You have NO idea how glad I am to FINALLY be able to share that theory!!)

I think it probably goes without saying that last year's VMA fiasco was the biggest thing that had happened to Kanye since his near-fatal car accident and the biggest thing that had happened to Taylor... EVER (she's still a baby afterall). So they are BOTH still trying to captialize on it - hence the music at this year's VMAs.

Taylor's doing what I feel she does best - she's playing the victim - and I don't blame her. She's won countless awards (and got a role on CSI AND a part in a movie) in the last year by being the victim. It's worked for her, so I don't begrudge her that.

Kanye's also doing what he does best - making catchy funky-beats. That song will the the theme song for ANYONE talking about douchebags, a-holes and dumb people in general (in fact, I fully expect to hear it on "The Real World" or "Teen Mom" ANY DAY now). AND he's admitting that he was a jerk-face douchebag - what more can he do? He's apologized to her multiple times, apologized to the world at large and now he's created his own theme song.

The clear winner - Kanye West. Probably 'cuz I like him more and I'm the author.

Thanks again Confused - I hope that this helps to clear up your question.

The Start of Something... Not Sure What Though...

So I've been pondering exactly where I wanted to go with this blog - I mean, sure, I could use it as my platform to share my super interesting life with the world at large... but living vicariously through me really helps no one. And if you didn't know before, let me take this time to tell you - I'm a helper. It's my thing... sort-of.

Then I thought about the things that I really like to do - eat, write and tell people what to do. I quickly ruled out the eating thing - the last thing I want to do (but probably really should look in to) is document everything I eat. GEEZ... going public with such information could have me banned in at least ten circles. HOWEVER - the writing and telling people what to do things are QUITE appealing to me. If I have to say it myself, I'm really good at both of those things, so with the help of some folks, I wanna parlay that into a fascinating hobby.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I want to use this blog as a place to tell people what to do. My husband's away and I don't have kids, so all of this wisdom is completely going to waste. Now, I should pause to let you know that this will be true D. Booth style advice - i.e. "if you're gonna jump, then JUMP ALREADY and get it over with" type stuff (only more funny). Should be enjoyable if nothing else.

So with that, let me know your situation and I'll tell you what I would do if I were you. My ears are open -

Step Inside D' Booth

(kinda like a confessional "booth"... but not really...)

IT'S OFFICIAL...

I am totally, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt...

A GLEEK!

OMG! One of the items on my completely materialistic Christmas list was Season 1 of "Glee," so you can just imagine my excitement when the Amazon.com box showed up on my doorstep!

Now, I started watching the show during the regular season somewhere in the middle (episode 3 or 4) and by the time Mercedes fell for Kurt, got rejected, threw the brick through his windshield and broke out singing Jasmine Sullivan's "I'll Bust the Windows Out your Car" - I was completely hooked! The only problem was that the male occupants and visitors would always crack jokes during the show - the most notable comment coming from my brother who declared, "If all of these people could sing like this for real, wouldn't they be on 'American Idol' and not on the TV version of 'Grease 3?'" I swear, some people just don't get it...

** Side note: I like to think that I've spent the last 20 days since I originally started this posting trying to figure out how to superimpose my face on top of Jane Lynch's (aka Sue Sylvester) face in this picture...

What Happens When I Leave Stuff...

One of the first things I do when I go home to Florida is... stop at a convenience store. Bet you were expecting something more spectacular, right? No luck, people - I'm just not that exciting...

Anyway - I always stop at a convenience store OR at the Navarre Winn-Dixie and get a bag of Golden Flake Hot Thin & Crispy Potato Chips. OKAY... most of the time, I get TWO bags (but only 'cause they're usually 2 for $3.00 - it's not my fault - I don't set the pricing). Moving on...

The Golden Flake Hot Thin & Crispy Potato Chip is unlike any other. If I wasn't married, I'm almost sure that 85% of my dreams would be about them. They're so yummy and I can't get them here in Texas. So the only time I'm able to taste heaven is when I go visit my parents (which doesn't happen THAT often).

So, my Christmas trip was like all of the others, I stopped, picked up a bag and prepared my mouth for fabulousity... okay - I picked up two bags. I devoured the first - not all in one day, of course (I'm not an animal, after all) - and saved the second one for the flight back to Texas. We had a lengthy layover in ATL and that was how I intended to keep myself busy.

So I put them in a Winn-Dixie bag (for easy on-board carrying) and left them sitting on the dining room table. That way, I could scoop them up on my way out.Yep... and that's where they are STILL sitting to this day (along with a box of Willy Wonka Gobstoppers, but that's a different story completely). UGHHH.

My mouth was SO ready for those chips. Saddened by this turn of events, I started researching my options... and here's what I came up with:

If you can't bring Mohamed to the mountain, get Mohamed to send you a CASE of potato chips. That's right - there are sixteen 5 oz. bags of Golden Flake Hot Thin & Crispy Potato Chips (mind you, that's the smallest number you can buy online)... okay, 15 bags... CRAP - 14 bags... for real - 14 bags of potato chips hiding in my garage. Now, I know you might be saying - "couldn't you have just asked one of the 'rents to send it to you?" Not an option. First, the 'rents are on vacay and second, my dad would have laughed me off the phone if I had even considered asking him to box up my $1.50 bag of chips and then spend more than $1.50 to mail it to Texas... it just wouldn't have happened.

So yeah... this is what happens when I leave stuff behind that I really, REALLY want. I left a single bag of chips in Florida and my only option was to order 16 bags from Golden Flake's website. P.S. - this is our little secret. Don't tell my husband about my shenanigans... he might not react well to the notion of 16... 14 bags of chips hanging out at our house when we're supposed to be watching what we eat. And he never laughs when I say, "I am watching me eat every one of these tasty chips!" Okay, I haven't used that particular line on him yet, but he never laughs at the variations of it.

So friends, next time you swing by the casa, please be sure to ask for a parting gift of Golden Flake Hot Thin & Crispy Potato Chips... but only when my husband's not around! :-)

Things I Would Like to See Happen in the New Year... Part Two

"I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then, c'mon, oh, c'mon
Let's get it on"

"Let's Get It On" - another fantastic alternative to "Auld Lang Syne."
Okay, let's pick up where we left off.

Top 10 Things DBooth Would Like to See Happen in 2010 (the final 5)

1. Dick Clark Retires from the Rockin' New Year's Eve Show -- Bless his heart, I'm sure that he means well but he's like a hundred and thirty-two years old. It's time for him to sit on down. Not only did he screw up the countdown the other night, but he's obviously having a hard time with his lines. Understandably, he's probably terrified of leaving his show completely in Ryan Seacrest's hands - I get that. Especially considering that Ryan is up there with Shambo on my list of people who get on my nerves. Anyway - Dick, it's time to give it a rest. In other words, you don't have to go home, but you've gotta get the heck outta here.
   



2. A Use for My Uterus -- Now, don't get all excited and start breaking out the Baby Shower invitations. I'm simply struggling to understand exactly WHY I need my uterus. I mean, it's all tilted and stuff, which results in some discomfort at times when you don't want discomfort (if you know what I'm sayin'). So what I'm wondering is if I can donate it to science (while I'm still alive, that is). You know, give it to another potential Octomom OR EVEN BETTER, have it be a part of the "Bodies" exhibit. Clearly, I've never seen this exhibit in person, but I would TOTALLY go if my uterus were on display!!
   



3. Mates for Flavor Flav, New York, Real & Chance, Ray J, Frank the Entertainer, Antonio, Megan, Brett Michaels and Daisy -- OMG - how many more of these shows can I watch? Ughh - as many as they put on the tube, I suppose. I am completely addicted to these ridiculous shows and the only way for me to kick the habit is for them to stop making them! It's Vh1's fault, not mine!
   



4. A Cure for Stupidity -- This one's pretty self-explanatory, but in case there's a chance that your world would collapse without knowing the thought behind this, let me just say - STUPID PEOPLE SUCK. Now, I don't mean smart people who occasionally have stupid moments - heck, I fall into that particular category sometimes. What I'm talking about are people who do things that they should know better than to do... but they don't... 'cause they're stupid. I know this is pretty un-PC of me, but if you know me, then you know that political correctness is something I typically choose to ignore. AND I know a cure is A LOT to ask, but this would not only just help me - it would possibly cure all that's wrong with the world. Seriously, can someone start researching this for me and get back to me on it?

Darn it, I'm still one short... Well, as my New Year's Gift to you - feel free to insert your own 10th and final "thing" in as a comment. If you know me well enough to be reading this blog, then I think there's a good chance that I'm gonna agree with your "thing!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!